Days of Waiting...

Two Years, 5 Months, 10 days

893 days

21,432 hours

It doesn't matter how you say it, we've waited a long time.

On this day of love (Valentine's Day), I'm reflecting on my blessings, but I can't diminish the fact that pieces of my heart aren't with me anymore.  A piece of my heart went with Kenian.  A piece to the baby boy we were promised but never received.  A piece to our baby, wherever he/she is right now.

I love my husband.  I love my son.  I love our home and safety.

Today we chose to celebrate a "family-date" instead of Sam and I leaving Eli with family to celebrate V-day alone.  Eli chose the place, so of course, our "romantic" V-day began at Daylight Donuts, followed by a trip to the library.  Games of Uno, reading books and movies are on the agenda for the rest of the day.

And yet, I haven't been able to stop thinking about who is not with us today.  The one that I love and have not yet met.

I read a great article recently that said the waiting is a prison of sorts.  It consumes you and traps you.  Hours turn to days, days to weeks, weeks to months and months to years.  And if you aren't careful, the time you are loosing could be wasted on the "what-ifs" and "whens".  They went on to say that you should live fully in the moment, the present time, but be prepared and faithfully trusting that good is still to come.

I am trying.  It's hard and not getting any easier as time passes.

We are more than half-way through the contract with California and that scares us.  We have been licensed for over a month now (for foster care), with no calls, and that frustrates us.  (Add to the fact that we were called twice BEFORE we were licensed and were unable to accept the babies...)

I am happy.  I am grateful.  I am loved.  (Repeat...)

Happy Day of Love, Everyone.

Crystal Bridges Art Museum - Jan 18th