Life under a rock

**I wrote this blog post a week ago but it's just been sitting on my desktop, waiting.  Honestly, I wasn't sure if I was going to post it or not.  It's very personal and I wrote it mainly to just get some thoughts out of my head.  I'm one of those that it really does help to write things down.  

I am choosing to go ahead and post it so that those that follow will know the true ups and downs of this journey.  I'm grateful for the path we are on but that has never made it easy or even enjoyable.**

This title can be taken one of three ways, all of which apply, but only one that I meant for this post.

1) We are living under the Rock of Ages (Jesus).  This is absolutely true and most days it’s the only thing that keeps us going, giving us hope and strength.

2) The weight on our shoulders, stress of unknown, feels like a boulder.

3) But lastly, the last two months have kind of felt like we are secluded, living in a cave away from “normal” civilization, so to speak.

Foster care is LONELY.  I’m not going to sugar coat it.  Yes, foster care is wonderful (in its own way) and it provided us with an amazing son and now a beautiful baby boy that we are deeply in love with.  However, there are so many rules, regulations and stigmas that go along with it that it can leave you feeling helpless and out of control.

I am a proud mom.  But I have TWO sons, only one of which I can show off.  I can’t show you pictures of this beautiful baby boy.  I can’t call him mine or use my last name with him.  In fact, unless you are in my close circle, you may not even know I have him!  It feels like we are leading this secret life.  We try to be normal parents but we aren’t normal parents.  We are foster parents.  There is no easy way to describe that.  We love these children like our own, but they are not our own, and we have no idea how long or if they’ll stay with us.

I saw this great quote on Facebook from Human’s of Foster Care:

"What advice would you give other parents looking to adopt?"
"If you are feeling led to adopt then pursue it. There will be roadblocks. Period. End of discussion. You are fighting for the life of a child. That life will not be given freely to you. You will experience heartache. You will experience exhaustion. You will experience hurt. Every adoption begins with a loss.

That quote really hit me.  We knew this road would not be easy.  We felt lead to this.  We will pursue it.  However, even though this is not a new road to us, the journey the second time is no easier or less frustrating/stressful/tiresome.

Please pray for the case of our baby and for our patience.