Raw Honest Truth

Truth #1:
I love Eli and I love his age right now.  I love that he is becoming a little human and I can carry on conversations with him.  I love that his little brain comes up with some of the craziest sayings or thoughts.  I love that he is still able to be our sweet cuddly baby (when he wants to be) and yet he seems so grown up at other times.   

Truth #2:
I love Eli and I hate his age right now.  I don't know if he'll make it to age 3 or past age 3 sometimes.  He is stubborn, obstinate and so extremely challenging.  His little brain comes up with just the right things to push every single button I have (and some I didn't even know I had!).

Truth #3:
Eli makes me have multiple personality disorder and bipolar disorder!!  He can drive me to madness one moment and make me absolutely the happiest mommy the next minute.  Sam will ask me "how was your night?"... and even on the worst nights, I can usually find one thing about my day that was wonderful.  Usually.  Then there are those days that I'll never get back; that I feel nothing has gone right; I've spent the majority of the day crying/screaming/crying/time-out/spanking/throwing toys out in the yard (yes, people, that really happened... but that's another story!)/screaming more.  I HATE those days.  I feel horrible on those days.  And those days have been more lately than I'd like to admit.  I can't count the number of nights I've felt like a failure, like maybe I wasn't cut out for this, like I have done something wrong. 

.... and then.... Eli wakes up the following morning in a cheery mood.  He loves on us and kisses on us and spends a while in our bed playing and making parenthood and motherhood and being a SAH mom amazing.  And it's all worth it again. 

I pray every morning that the good moments outweigh the bad moments.  And I pray that Eli will only remember the good and forget the awful moments when his mother turns into Hulk and looses it.  Completely.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Galatians 6:9