Adoption Update - Long Story

Alright - so here is where we are... we've had some stuff happen this week and our emotions are still being processed. 

We received a call on Monday afternoon at 2 pm from the Director, Michelle, and yet again, she started the conversation with "here's the situation": 18 year old mother, drugs and alcohol, and the baby was being born on Friday at 28 weeks premie due to mother's placental previa.  Here is the details that she later shared via Facebook:

PLEASE SHARE TO HELP US FIND A FAMILY FOR:
PREMATURE Baby Boy to be born this week!

Adoptive Family MUST CURRENTLY BE HOMESTUDY APPROVED!!

Baby Boy due to be born this week at 28 weeks gestation in Idaho.
(12 weeks earlier than full term.)
Premature birth due to placenta previa - NOT due to baby's health.
Baby looks healthy, but will be premature.
Full Caucasian
Some Alcohol and Drug Exposure

Birth Mom seeks:
Loving, Christian Family who has been called to adoption - not just due to infertility, but literally called to adopt.
Stay at home Mom
Okay with siblings (biological or adopted)
Must live outside of Idaho, but be able to travel to Idaho and stay until baby is released from NICU.

Approximate Budget of $16,000 - $20,000 (Legal, Living Expenses, Counseling)
Please email a letter about yourself with picture/profile to: info@adoptionanswer.com

Michelle had wanted an answer that day, perferably within the next couple hours, so Sam and I went into immediate discussion mode.  I even called Mom and had her come pick Eli up so we could focus, pray and talk without distraction.  As you can imagine, we had LOTS of tears, fear, confusion, ect going through our minds.  We sought wise counsel from people we knew in or close to similar situations and people we knew would just pray for us and our decision.  By 6 pm that night we were nowhere closer to a decision and just sick to our stomachs (side note, Sam had the flu this day so he was literally sick to his stomach anyway - bad timing and hard to think when you are that sick!).  I left to go to the Carthage Christmas parade and spend time with Eli and the rest of my family.  After the parade, I went back to Mom and Dad's house, along with Lee and Amanda and I told them the whole situation.  We prayed and talked and called a NICU nurse to get her take on it too.  Still, we were not any closer.  I called Michelle Dettman and asked (begged) for an extension - could I give her the answer in the morning after sleeping on it?  Eli ended up spending the night with Gramma and Papa and Sam and my prayer/decision-making continued.  By the time we went to sleep, we just could not feel God's peace about it and decided we should say "no" to this situation.  It was heart-wrenching but we just did not feel God wanting us to do this.  The next morning I called Michelle and let her know our answer.  She was very understanding and supportive.  However, she frantically went forward to search for the next family.  We waited and prayed to hear the outcome....

Unfortunately, we got our answer from Adoption Answer and from God all too clearly and quickly.  Ashlene, our rep, contacted me Friday evening to give me a heads-up on what was being posted on Facebook that same time.  She wanted me to hear it from her than be blind-sighted:

From the heart of our Director, Michelle Dettman ~

Updated on the Preemie Baby Boy...

www.adoptionanswer.com

Dear Friends,
I wanted to thank you for being a part of our Adoption Answer page, and for sharing things with others that happen to touch your heart. Recently, we posted about a Preemie Boy that was to be born this week. This particular Expectant Mom wanted the ability to choose the right Adoptive Family for her son. We only had a select few of our own Adoption Answer Families that were available to adopt a preemie, so we shared with you.

You were so helpful as you shared our post. We, literally, had hundreds upon hundreds of responses through email. Even today, I am still receiving messages asking about this baby, how the Birth Mom is and how the Adoptive Family is doing. They say that “Adoption makes God’s family small!” I love that thought and this situation certainly proved that to be right on!

We appreciate so much, all of you that stepped out in blind faith regarding this baby boy. Ultimately, after a series of events, it was one of our own, sweet, Adoption Answer Families that was selected by this Expectant Mom. They were en route to Idaho when we received a call that this baby – the baby boy that we all have thought of and prayed over this whole week – was no longer viable.

Today, instead of celebrating his birth, we mourn for him and the dream of who we thought he would be. The dreams that both the Birth Mom and Adoptive Parents had of and for him. And, at the same time, God’s peace has been so present.

My prayer is for that complete peace that passes all understanding for all who have been involved in this situation. Our staff and helpers grieve as well.

The Birth Mom could really use our prayers. The road to this point, today, has been a difficult one. Please pray for Megan - for her health and well being.

As they are on their drive back home, our Adoptive Mom texted me this, “Well… He was almost a little brother. Just thinking how wonderful it is that he is in his real, permanent home. It’s much better than mine. “ I can tell she is processing. I know that she and her husband are both numb. Please pray for them… and for their kids who have displayed much faith and excitement, just like their parents, this whole adoption journey.

I have said it many times before that adoption is the biggest of faith builders. It stretches us. Thank you for being stretched with us on this one. Thank you for your continued prayers. Thank you for being part of our Adoption Answer Family.

With much love and hope in Him,

Michelle Dettman

We can now understand why God did not give us the peace we were looking for, but it definitely doesn't make the situation any easier.  After Ashlene contacted me, I sat and bawled - for the baby's potential life, for the adoptive mother, and even for the birthmother.  I cried because I knew God spared me the heartache had we said yes, and yet, my heart still hurt tremendously.  Why is God putting us in these situations?  Why does it feel like we are being "teased" with our child - dangling the perverbial carrot just out of our reach?

On top of all these emotions, we received our regular monthly update Friday morning:

Our profile has been shown 6 times in the past month.  The mother mentioned above was actually one that had been considering us in the previous months.  We have another mother from previous months that is still undecided and considering us.  Of the 6 new mothers, we are being further considered by 2 of them.  None of the 3 know the gender of the child, all are on the West coast and all are due in the late winter/early spring.

On a different topic, Adoption Answer is going through some major changes as a company.  As of January 1, 2014, their new name will be Adoption Center of Hope.  They have recently moved to a new building and are trying to expand with centers in other locations.  They also have done new hiring with reps in new locations (Ashlene will continue to be our rep).  Michelle is starting a new radio program which will begin on January 5th called The Adoption Answer.

Oh, and we FINALLY became the Featured Family on November 24th!

Our Featured Family ~ Sam & Jenny

Posted on: November 23rd, 2013 by Lars No Comments

Once upon a time, a girl named Jenny met a boy named Sam.  They soon became best friends… and one day about 10 years ago, they decided to become best friends forever and got married.

Meet Sam & Jenny ~

Married to their Best Friend

Soon after Sam and Jenny got married they became excited to start a family.  As time passed, they became even closer.  Their love for children and the desire to help others inspired them to become Foster Parents.  Adoption, soon became the most natural choice for them. Their sweet son, Eli, came to them through the miracle of adoption.

Eli is one, very loved, little boy.

 

There Favorite Place: Wherever, as long as they are together!

 

Their family enjoys going to the zoo, aquarium and playing at local parks.  They also, very much, enjoy going hiking, camping and fishing.  The area they live in allows for so much fun, outdoor activities.

Daddy and Son ~ Fun time together outdoors

 

Sam enjoys working for a family owned business and provides well for his family.  Jenny worked professionally for many years and now feels incredibly blessed to be a stay at home mommy.  She enjoys her time with Eli as she takes him to the library story hour or to toddler gymnastics.

At the Disney CARS Event

Sam and Jenny enjoy spending time with their extended families.  They also  have many close friends that have children as well.  Many of the relationships they have are from their church friends that are like family to them.

This cute family hopes to be a family of four.

Sam and Jenny are a super nice, active and fun couple.  They are very loving to one another and to their son, Eli.  They have shared that they pray consistently for the Birth Mom of their child…  they are incredibly open and non-judgmental people.

If you are pregnant and considering adoption, we thank you for considering Sam & Jenny.  Please call us to find out more about this family.  877-357-1177